Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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