I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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