I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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