Slut skills are useful in every country.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
