you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
