Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
