I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
