I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
