The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
