and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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