Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
do nipples grow back?
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