I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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