Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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