you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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