yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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