Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
that is very illegal...i love you.
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