I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Randomize
