my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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