sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
