Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
