Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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