You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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