so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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