I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
