Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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