I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Found the puke drawer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
