i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
