You made me cry and you don't even care
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
