sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
