someone get that fucking seahorse.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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