Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
