I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
