Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
