I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
