I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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