I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
