I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i drank out of a bidet.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
