How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
