why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
