I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
