wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
