Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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