we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
