As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
