"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
