I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
honey bunches of taint.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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