I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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