CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
