And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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