I just threw up on my dentist
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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