i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize