These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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