I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The uberlube is also flammable
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
