I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He shit in the fireplace
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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