i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
