Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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