Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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