made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
