so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
