I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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