i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It all started with a game of naked twister.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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