I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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