so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
