So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.