You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
