It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick