Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.