2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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You know, be my cock's hype man.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
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They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.