it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing