I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hippo gnu deer
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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