Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser