I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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