dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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