The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
