I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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