My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
