It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
