Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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