then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
