Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So here I am, sexting at work.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
