Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
